Archive for the 'Libs' Category

And You Might Say it’s Self-Indulgent

Published
by
Girl Friday
on October 4, 2006
in Libs and Life
. 3 Comments

It’s been a rough week. There are so many things to look forward to (When I started this parenthetical aside I wasn’t planning on recounting, but who cares? I’m stoked for Veronica Mars, BSG, and Lucky 10-Key coming to visit…) but I’m feeling like crap. Nothing seems to be going right at work. I’m busy after work with other commitments, and that throws off my regularly scheduled programming and my metabolic clock. I’ve been listening to depressing songs again and I’m on the verge of tears. I could use a nap. How about you?

I would attempt humor, but I’m afraid it’s going to come off more bitter than ever before. I hope to clear myself of the mope as fast as possible. Anger and stress is bad for the complexion and is the number one leading cause of premature aging.

On that note, smile! I wrote a Mad Lib for Queen of Anagrams a while ago. I’m glad I saved it for a rainy day.

The Office Mad Lib

2 people: Jim and Pam
2 verbs: dancing and smiling
2 adjectives: beautiful and happy
2 places: the mall and Rio de Janeiro
2 nouns: jello and tattoos
2 colors: black and pink
1 food or drink: mocha latte
1 time of day: dusk
1 hobby: skydiving
1 job: jingle writer

Jim brought Pam a mocha latte on Monday morning. No one is happy on Mondays, so he thought it would be a step up from her normal black coffee. Pam said, “Thanks!” smiling ear to ear, her infatuation and desire dancing in her eyes. Pam tried extra hard to look beautiful for Jim that day. She’d bought a pink sweater set at the mall over the weekend. Throughout dusk approached, Jim convinced Pam to help him play a prank on Dwight. It was hard work making so much jello, but the two of them hadn’t had so much fun since the time they went skydiving! To commemorate the event they got matching tattoos…where the sun don’t shine :)

I’ll Burn That Bridge When I Get to it

Published
by
Girl Friday
on September 1, 2006
in Libs and Office Stories
. 0 Comments

I ruled the Timkeeping World today with my iron fist—or so my boss said. I’m not sure how to take that. This was our first payroll using the new system and the month was rife with problems. I spent a lot of time preparing instructional emails for my coworkers and the managers. I wanted payroll to be smooth and painless. It turned out okay, but I’m glad the first of the month only happens once a month…

Apparently I like to write long ass e-mails for my own benefit. I really enjoy clogging up people’s inboxes with meaningless information. I love holding people’s hands, in fact, it’s my favorite thing to do and that’s why I chose my career in the Administrative Arts. My coworkers obviously have a deep and abiding respect for me, and show it by telling me how busy they are and why they are unable to read or follow basic instructions. I simply have nothing better to do than getting the minimum requirements of my job done on time. I swear, next time I’ll check my work ethic at the door. Perhaps I will call in sick when I’m most needed—oh wait, that’s part of Dave’s job description.

Enough with the melodramatics already!

For your amusement folks: More Mad Libs.

For d:

2 People: Lance Armstrong & Lyle Lovett - no Brokeback! They’re just friends :)
2 Verbs: pedaling and running
2 Adjectives: dangerous and exciting
2 Places: my kitchen and Texas
2 Favorite Things salsa and karaoke
2 Colors: aquamarine and adventurine - I know I’m such an ass! that would be light blue and light green :)
1 Food or Drink: lambic - raspberry beer (yumm)
1 Time of Day: 2pm
1 Hobby: knitting
1 Job: lion tamer

d was making salsa in her kitchen, sipping some Lambic raspberry beer. She discovered that Lyle Lovett was doing a celebrity ride with Lance Armstrong. d couldn’t bear to miss her two favorite men in the same place at the same time! She hopped the next flight to Texas and landed at 2 PM. She watched the ride from the sidelines, amazed by Lance’s pedaling. After the race she met Lyle and he invited her to sing karaoke with him. They had a great time, but d decided not to give up her day job as a lion tamer. Lyle found d dangerous and exciting–he knew that she would be perfect for Lance. Sure enough, they met and Lance was smitten! He was finally done running from commitment. The lion tamer and the cyclist settled down. Last I heard of d she was knitting booties for her twins, Aquamarine and Adventurine.

For Latte Lady: (You are Latte Lady, not Lady Latte or Laddy Latte :) Talk about a Superheroine identity crisis.)

People: Marky Mark (or the infamous Mark Wahlberg) and Latte Lady (how vain) :)
Verbs: dancing and fighting
Adjectives: fabulous and feisty
Places: Athens and Ellwood Beach Dr.
Favourite Things: a BMW Convertible and sunglasses
Colors: Purple and Leather Black
Food or Drink: Sex on the Beach and a whiskey sour
Time of Day: 9 pm
Hobby: Collecting rare animals
Job: Secret Service

Latte Lady was out dancing the night away at a fabulous Athens club called Leather Black. She could hardly remember Ellwood Beach Dr. or her purple coffee table. She’d left everything behind and driven off in her BMW Convertible with sunglasses shading her feisty demeanor. Two Whiskey Sours later and she was practically beating Mark Wahlberg off with a stick—Latte Lady always did like collecting rare animals… (He’d had one too many Sex on the Beaches since 9 PM.) She managed to wrangle in Marky Mark like the Secret Service lures bad guys—with expert precision and stealthy maneuvers.

I’ve Been Feeling Dull as a Coat Hanger

Published
by
Girl Friday
on August 31, 2006
in Libs and Office Stories
. 2 Comments

The office has been quite busy this week. It’s the end of the pay period so my efforts in timekeeping have doubled. There have also been several student programs this week, so we’ve had more contact with the student staff. They’re always a laugh riot—I feel like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls when she says, “You girls keep me young.” I’m not saying I’m old, but we just have different mind-sets. They’re amused by my cynicism…well it is ha ha hilarious. This afternoon one of the student programs kicked off just as I was headed home for the evening. They call the event “H-2 Oh, Yeah!” It was Julia J’s idea. (Miss her!) Anyway, there were three large inflatable things on the lawn—a bounce house, a waterslide, and a jousting ring. Oh to be young again! Seriously. Then I wouldn’t be stuck in the damn office looking out my window wishing I were far, far away.

I guess that’s why I’ve got Mad Libs. I got a little behind today since I had no time to write at work. I could have written earlier this evening, but I was chatting with Lucky 10-Key and Notorious M.A.G.!

For Weltsie:

2 People: Donnie Darko, Penny Lane
2 Verbs: craving, laughing
2 Adjectives: laid back, friendly
2 Places: used bookstore, Morocco
2 Favorite Things: gardens, bridges
2 Colors: ruby red, orange
1 Food or Drink: espresso
1 Time of Day: dawn
1 Hobby: surfing
1 Job: firefighter

In a laid back used bookstore Donnie Darko sipped his espresso and admired the girl in the funky orange dress. She seemed friendly and kept laughing. Donnie was intrigued and stopped acting so emo long enough to ask Penny Lane out. She said she was having a craving for surfing. Donnie didn’t like the sun, or gardensor bridges (unless he was contemplating jumping off of them), but he agreed to meet her at dawn anyway. The way she looked in her ruby red bathing suit reminded him of a firefighter. It was a strange image, but then he was used to that. Penny Lane just kept on laughing. She changed her mind and decided she wanted to go to Morocco instead.

For d:

2 People: Kara & Lee
2 Verbs: swimming & dancing
2 Adjectives: bright & slowly
2 Places: the desert & the beach on a tropical island
2 Favorite Things: flowers & diamonds
2 Colors: azure & pistachio
1 Food or Drink: guacamole
1 Time of Day: midnight
1 Hobby: sunbathing
1 Job: mason

Kara and Lee lounged leisurely at the beach on a tropical island. They had finally found their bright, shiny future! They intended on enjoying every minute of it together, and Kara had the diamonds to prove it. They liked the desert, but they loved swimming in azure waters, so they compromised (yes, they slowly learned how!) and settled near the Sea of Cortez. They hired a mason to add a brick patio to their pistachio colored house in Cabo San Lucas. To get away from the noise of the construction, they took a mini-break on some remote island. The former pilots were tired of life on the run, so they embraced the simpler aspects of life like sunbathing and eating guacamole at midnight. They just weren’t the flowers and dancing kind of couple, but they lived happily ever after anyway.