I’m having one of those days where I just want to bang my head up against the wall. I wouldn’t want to mess up all the knowledge I’ve gleaned over the years by making my brain a pile of goo, but then I’d have an excuse for not being able to update my department’s website. It sounds like a pleasant solution at the moment.
I compare web developing to flying a plane. If your boss said, “I need you to fly this plane. Go to this class for two hours, and then come back and pick me up in the plane around 5 PM. I’m counting on you,” you’d think he or she was bonkers. And yet this is what my boss is asking me to do. Everyone is counting on me to fix the website. I told them I was confident I could do it when I interviewed—but that was when I was under the impression there’d be some sort of lessons and support. What I have gotten was a useless class and a jumble of duplicate web files that lead me down a rabbit hole…
I am not a quitter. I hold on to the bitter end of things, and usually I come out okay. But this job, this project, Dreamweaver, this website, is playing a game of chicken with me and I’m afraid I’m going to be the loser. The thought of not mastering this frightens me.
Also, my other looming project is the department brochure. I cannot locate the file (everyone claims it is here, but I have searched and searched to no avail) so I may just have to start from scratch. The newsletter also needs to get produced. And like I don’t have enough thorns in my side reminding me, but today some salesman (and I use man loosely since he was all of 22) dropped by the office and tried to flirt his way into a printing deal. I couldn’t believe how he batted his eyelashes at my student clerk and tried to charm me with his talk of price breaks and mad printing skillz. Whatever, dude. Your cheap cologne and exposed chest muscles may work in some places, but I work in Women’s Studies and I see right through your ridiculous ploy of using your sexuality to make sales. You hussy!
Girl Friday feels down trodden and defeated lately. Let’s examine all the possible things that could have zapped her Superheroine powers…
When it rains it pours: After rushing around to get all the bosses prepared for their conferences, I had a momentary break from the storm. I didn’t spend the break preparing for the next storm because I had no idea what to prepare for, but now I’m really paying the price. I have ten travel files to reconcile. Joy. I have four candidates arriving for interviews and I’m responsible for coordinating everything for them, and arranging meetings with our large staff. I have conflict resolution training to coordinate and that involves stuffing students into bad time slots that are good time slots for directors. If I was 20 years old the last place I’d want to be at 8:30 AM on a Friday is in a directors office learning to resolve conflict by saying, “Tell me how you feel about that?”
Looking for greener pastures: Being recommended for jobs has opened up a whole can of worms. My direct supervisor really seems to resent my quest for a better job. She’s spoken with a director about it already and makes me feel, in general, very uncomfortable by discussing my opportunities with forced interest. Instead of showing me that I’m appreciated and trying to give me reasons to stay, she is pushing all my buttons and it really makes me want to leave at a dead run.
My own worst enemy: I find that I’m too honest during interviews. I feel confident and know I’m an engaging person, but I refuse to jump through hoops. I don’t lie about skills I don’t possess or evade answering questions that make me uncomfortable. I’m honest, I’m real, but I do try to show people that I’m more than just the sum of all my parts. I have a lot of potential, but I fear it might be overshadowed by unwillingness to paint pretty pictures.
Today is better than yesterday: I went to my interview yesterday. It went fine. I dazzled them with…um, something. I don’t know what they think of me, and I don’t know what I think of job. I told my nosy boss as much and she just got all huffy about it. I ended up being gone for two hours—so I took one hour as my lunch and then came back to work and stayed an hour and a half extra. I had lots of stuff to get through, but I did finish something major that has been weighing on me. So far today in between my mountains of work, I’ve eaten a chocolate croissant and caught up with Notorious M.A.G. and The Pink Fairy. Today is already better than yesterday!
I realize that I haven’t done a Girl Friday How To in quite some time. I’ve been mulling this topic over for a while…
So, you’re not quite sure yet what it means to flirt or what it feels like for someone to flirt with you? Well, Helen Rowland said, “Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.” I think this applies to men and women, gay or straight. The extra attention you give to someone special makes you blush and the compliments you try to brush off make your stomach flip-flop? Yeah, that’s flirting.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all done that. Saw a cutie and didn’t know what to do next. Maybe you two started talking and you got tongue-tied. Maybe you’ve been chatting for a while with your crush and it’s like pulling teeth. Don’t you wish we were all on the same page? Could I drop any more clichés? Probably. Let’s find out! Here are some Dos and Don’ts that I came up with. If you think I left any out, I’d love to hear what you have to say!
Do
- Accept compliments and pay them back. It’s not about being too cocky or overly modest—it’s about acknowledging how you’re seen through someone else’s eyes.
- Get personal. Move past the superficial topics like the weather as soon as possible. If you share hobbies, flirting will become secondary to your genuine interest.
- Say suggestive things. Get the imagination working. Ever notice how rephrasing a statement into a question sounds flirty? Well, did you?
- Extend invitations to future conversations. Leave yourself an opportunity to pursue your interest further. Be available. For example, “I take the same train every day. I guess I’ll see you around.”
- Have confidence and have fun. If you and your crush aren’t laughing—loosen up! I promise no one ever died from flirting.
Don’t
- Reject compliments and don’t be too self-deprecating. This makes it harder for any interested party to get to know you and is ultimately very discouraging.
- Avoid getting engaged in real conversations with jokes or one-word answers. Ask open-ended questions and respond to your crush in a similar manner.
- Throw out mood killers like your ailments, baggage, and never, ever talk about previous relationships while in the flirting stages. Don’t fawn over an ex or describe how embittered you became after the break-up. It’s not healthy to dwell, and it sends the wrong signal to someone that you like or likes you.
- Say you have to go to bed, leave, go to work, etc., without saying, “I hate to do this, but I have to go! I loved talking with you. I hope to again tomorrow!”
- Set up roadblocks. Trust that you are a lovely person. If you are open to the possibility of meeting someone new, you must let go and let the chips fall where they may.
Now go forth and be your charming self!