Monthly Archive for September, 2006

You’ll Notice Something Funny if You Hang Around Here for Too Long

Published
by
Girl Friday
on September 30, 2006
in Linkage, Shopping and TV
. 3 Comments

As you all may recall, I think Pam Beesly from The Office is rad. She could totally be a Gal Pal. She’s already a Superheroine. But I think Jenna Fischer, the actress that plays her, might be a great addition, too. For Esquire magazine she wrote 10 Things You Don’t Know About Women. The list is irreverent and she shatters her image as a sweater-set-wearing-secretary. Jenna got some of her Office cohorts together and made a video. I won’t take the credit for finding this gem, that distinction goes to Give Me My Remote. I suggest reading and watching the video, as the sound quality isn’t that great in certain parts.

Let’s get down and dirty in this post—blame it on Jenna. Here are a few of the newest search results that delivered some of my 360 unique visitors (probably not a lot by other more popular blogs’ standards, but my all-time record) along with my witty repartee:

  • what is a dominatrix?

While I can only surmise that this visitor was hoping for the sexy definition, I can tell you its secondary meaning in the dictionary is, “a woman who dominates.” I guess that’s me: Girl Friday, dominatrix extraordinaire.

  • girl friday wanted

Yes, who wouldn’t want their very own girl Friday? Might I suggest Craig’s List. Although, what’s the pay? Send me a job description and I’ll consider applying. Here’s my cover letter and résumé.

  • dominatrix superheroines

I think all of my Gal Pals are dominant characters, so why not? Sure, we can be dominatrix superheroines. I don’t have a cool costume like Summer on The OC, but whatevs. Next time I’m in town I’ll hit up Suzy’s with Notorious M.A.G. or English Diva. Didn’t we buy one of you girls you a riding crop?

  • compliments to boys

Boys have enormous egos for the most part. A woman can compliment a boy best by agreeing to be seen with him, spend time with him, etc. It’s the boy’s job to compliment the girl. It’s like a law or something.

  • office sex stories

You won’t find too many of those here. But I suppose you’re free to share with me! I promise I won’t tell. ;)

  • how to make a boatneck shirt

I’m not a sewing maven, but I have bought some cool sewing books for Lucky 10-Key and I’m pretty sure The Pink Fairy could whip something up if you placed an order! Lekkner is also a snazzy option—she’ll make you a boatneck shirt out of something fabulous you already own.

  • techniques for feigning illness

This is tricky. Every person must ask him or herself how good their acting skills truly are. If you suck at faking it, do not attempt feigning illness in the presence of your supervisor. Allergies are lame and stomach ailments are always too much information. Stick to pink eye because it’s very contagious and your boss will likely not get too close for fear of contracting it.

  • synonyms for extraordinary that start with x

I consulted my trusty Synonym Finder and discovered that X has very few entries. No word listed is a true synonym for extraordinary, I am sorry to report. X, the letter alone, refers to the unknown or a conundrum, which I suppose is extraordinary. Xanthippe is synonym for beldam and witch, and they are both exist outside of the ordinary. Xenophobic is almost an antonym; xenophobes fear the extraordinary. I hope that helps!

I Can’t Trap a Mouse

Published
by
Girl Friday
on September 29, 2006
in Life and Office Stories
. 3 Comments
Totally unrelated crappy things that happened to me and other people I know:

  • Someone reported Dave to Parking Services for having a student permit though he is a staff member. I’ve been a little irked by it, too, but not enough to bring it up and certainly not enough to report him. Dave doesn’t normally drive to work, he bikes, but with the baby on the way (still) he’s been driving. Apparently he’s been using one of our student permits with the permission of his supervisor. While I’m not Dave’s biggest fan and I’m more than a little jealous that he’s gotten to park for free, I certainly don’t have balls like the anonymous tipster that tried to get him in trouble.
  • I was scared half to death by a mouse twice on Thursday morning. It was in the parking permit drawer and I almost touched it on accident. If you don’t know me well, let me explain—I happen to be one of those “worst case scenario” people—I automatically thought, “OMG, there’s a mouse. I’m going to get rabies and die.” I don’t know if you can actually get rabies from a mouse, but that’s not the point. I screamed like a little girl and my blood pressure went through the roof. I made one of the directors mad with my lack of decorum, so to appease her I attempted to look in the drawer again and get on with the job. But the damn mouse didn’t leave! It was still there! I screamed again and I made the custodial staff come to my rescue (they came running in with brooms and bravely opened every drawer for me). The mouse situation exacerbated other problems in the office and my supervisor and I got a passive-aggressive talking to. We both blew it off and vented to one another later on that day. Evs. Stupid mouse. Still haven’t caught it. I can’t even get my staple remover out of my drawer without it being an ordeal. I’d rather pry open the staple with my bare fingers. My poor nails!
  • Lucky 10-Key’s coworker proclaimed that she is melancholy. I wanted to get that girl on the phone and give her a healthy dose of Shut the Fuck Up. I hate it when people who hardly know you make wild assertions, “in your best interest.” Like being negative is going to make you feel better. Did they stop teaching people that if you having nothing nice to say then to say nothing at all? I have lot of nice things to say about Lucky 10-Key: she’s the best personal shopper around (no joke, she practically outfitted my condo in an afternoon with hypothetical furniture) and is quite cheery over a Coffee Bean latte. She shares my love of Parmesan Goldfish crackers and likes to cross-stitch. Melancholy people don’t shop, have hobbies, enjoy gossiping over a snack, or like to accessorize with Betsy Johnson. Melancholy people take my advice quite literally when I say, “Why don’t you got write a song about it,” and though Lucky 10-Key is buying a keyboard this weekend, I don’t suspect she’s going to be winning a Grammy anytime soon.

You Have Gone So Far

Published
by
Girl Friday
on September 28, 2006
in Life
. 3 Comments

It has been said (by people I can’t quite identify on this great wide world web) that every seven years we are a new person–meaning every molecule in our body has turned over at least once. I was never very good at science, but I am a different person than I was seven years ago. I was struck by the enormity of the changes today while I was walking on campus. It’s the first day of school, and there I was, walking the same path I did seven years ago.

I was a freshman. I woke up early (6 A.M.) and took a shower (in a tiny shower stall with rubber shower shoes). I put on my makeup and picked out a nice outfit (a nice boatneck and jeans from the GAP). I packed my bag and probably ate some sort of plastic wrapped goodness I had stashed away (a granola bar, perhaps). I took the elevator from the sixth floor and walked out of the building. I probably looked out at the water. I didn’t take it for granted then. I walked with purpose, probably quickened my step so I wouldn’t be late (it’s a perpetual problem). I watched the other students intently and listened to snippets of conversations. I probably got lost or went to the wrong room, as is customary on the first day of school (although to be honest, I probably did a dry run the night before).

Today I woke up (late) and checked my e-mail. I took a shower and put on makeup (only some, I put the rest on after I got to work). I picked a nice outfit. I had a meeting in the morning. On the way to my meeting I pulled out a handful of fun size candy bars and popped them—well, like candy—and walked as fast as I could because I was running late (parking was a real bitch). I got to my former dorm building and looked out at the water. It was foggy, thus making my desire to see something blue that much stronger. I looked at the students around me setting out for their first day. I walked inside and found out the meeting had been moved. (I didn’t think to do a dry run.)

Life came full-circle today, but I didn’t realize how much things have changed until I got a call from The BF. See, we’ve been trying to buy a condo. After the third offer, the seller finally caved. I’m still reeling that a bank would give me that much money for a loan. The bank is obviously run by nut jobs. Anyway, long story short: seven years ago I was scared shitless and sure that I was going to make a horrible mess of my life, and seven years later I’m still afraid of the same thing, but I’m a college graduate, secretary extraordinaire, writer of things, and soon-to-be homeowner. I wonder what the next seven years will bring?