I had a dentist appointment yesterday afternoon. I’ve never disliked trips to the dentist because I’m one of those obnoxious people that’s never had a cavity…until yesterday that is… This newfangled dentist’s office has TeeVee and massage chairs, but even these were not enough to soften the bad news he kept delivering.
When I got home I ate Rice Krispies with marshmallows (I so copied from Gilmore Girls!) and watched America’s Next Top Model because I’ve had a few random episodes sitting on my Tivo since March. There was a brief moment when I wanted to surgically remove a rib or two or at least start living a healthy low-fat lifestyle, but after those impulses subsided I zoned out and all thoughts about my cavity, possible TMJ, recession, and tongue thrusting (sounds naughtier than it is) faded.
I’m having a tough week and the only thing that gets me through the days is mindless television. I quite enjoyed this week’s Life on the D List and Last Comic Standing. Being Girl Friday has it’s perks—I’m an awesome role model for young girls who aspire to a career in the administrative arts and all—but sometimes I think I’d love to be a comedienne. Then I sober up and remember I’m afraid of microphones and the only time I’ve ever spoken on stage in front of a crowd I was dressed as a flower with green tights and everything. So I think I’ll stick with my desk job for now…
It’s been an odd week at the office. My supervisor is out of town for a button and bead show in Wisconsin. My coworker had the stomach flu on Monday. Here’s the problem I have with both of their reasons for not coming in: 1) a button and bead show is the making of a Christopher Guest movie; 2) I hate it when people talk about their intestinal ailments. I find it truly interesting that my coworker gets a stomach ache every time the surf is good or when there is a can’t-miss soccer match on TV. I don’t have a problem with wanting to play hooky, but I don’t need to hear disgusting excuses that involve bodily fluids. And the buzz around the building is that my supervisor likes to pick notoriously busy times to go on crafting excursions. Someone jokingly thought she might make me a piece of jewelry while she’s at this convention, but I really don’t think she will. The best she could do for my birthday was sign the generic office card so I doubt she’ll be stringing together hideous B-F-F beads.
I’m doing my payroll homework and part of the assignment is to hire fictitious employees. So far I’ve hired Kara Thrace, Lee Adama, Jaye Tyler, and up next Veronica Mars. I’m so insane that I’ve concocted elaborate stories. Shocker, right? I had to terminate Kara from the university because she punched a superior asshole. Turns out viper pilots make horrible Admin Assistants. But it’s okay because shortly thereafter she and Lee tied the knot. Lee is an associate professor in the Classics department…figures…smarty pants. Jaye still hears inanimate objects telling her to do good deeds, but she finally left the souvenir shop. She’s a graduate student in the Philosophy department. Eric followed his quirky girlfriend cross-country and opened up his own bar. Jaye and Eric live blissfully in their shabby chic trailer at Santa Barbara Shores trailer park.
My Awesome Imaginative Powers are a handy tool in fighting odious tasks! Only the Superheroine of Small Offices Everywhere can turn payroll homework into a soap opera!